I Am He and He is confused (a little)

     Just today, my mind took me again to a place I hate to visit. A Place that drives me to misunderstand who I am, what I am, and where I should be going.. Once again, friends I spent so many incredible times with laughing, screaming and, YES, crying with are now gone, not dead, just out of my life, and it hurts.
     We buried friends together, enjoyed incredible moments together, cried and laughed together, made future plans together, and more, yet they now are gone. Muted by them, their silence designed to cause me great pain, and it does, over a issue which created the "I am out of your life now" disease, that in all cases, could have and should have been medicated and cured by conversation, compromise and sincere apologies where needed..
     Instead the abandonment was the only reaction those who left me determined was appropriate. In one instance a friendship of 12 years tossed away without any resistance to doing so, no conversation to resolve and a complete rejection to my sincere and heartfelt plea to please sit down and chat. In every instance of the past 6 months when their reaction to an issue separated me from "True Friends" I submitted a missive requesting we work hard together to fix "US", all I got back was silence. So I now know the "muted ones" were never "True Friends" in the first place and that revelation caused me great sadness. 
     

 I now relocate me to a safer place where I can spend my time in peace. 

A place where I can better define "who is who" so as not 

to have my heart broken again.. 

Here is what I NOW know.. 

    I have "True Friends"who love me because they just do.. They put up with my moods, good, bad and awful, because they love me.. Why do they love me? Not my call and honestly I don't need to know because at 58 years old, "I Am He And He Is Me" and not much can change that..

     
     Then I have "Convenience Friends" who are genuine in their love of me for the moments we spend time together, whether it be for an entire run of a show, or an occasional outing we are part of together, etc.. And that is ok with me..
    
      Then I HAD these "Facade Friends".. Those who profess love for you, sometimes for years, as long as your status in their life provides something they need... These are the ones we ALL get hurt by.. We get hurt because our love for them does not subscribe to the "What they can do for me" mandate! We are fooled when they exit. We are devastated when they abandon us, usually for inane reasons we never understand, and we complete our misery by going through a self analysis in an attempt to define where we went wrong!!