On the surface the question the title points to seems somewhat redundant and a bit inane. In that the answer to the question raised, whatever it might be, could be addressed with a simple Yes or No, I struggled a bit over selecting a more detailed descriptive. As you can see, I elected to honor the original thought and elaborate in the body of the post..
The question, for me, is not easily answered as I have embraced both ideas and felt, at the time, that doing so was the correct response to an issue and/or conflict.
When I decide to "Forgive to Forget," either an action or the person(s) involved in it that caused the issue in the first place, it leaves me feeling accomplished. I find that it simply resolves the issue, on the surface, by dictating that it is best left Forgiven so I can, in due time, Forget there was ever an issue in the first place. It is an easy path to traverse for me because it, on the surface, acts as closure.
When I decide to "Forget to Forgive," either an action or the person(s) involved in it that caused the issue in the first place, I do so by escaping or hiding mentally. I then am able to avoid confronting me with the idea I need to act. I find that it simply resolves the issue, on the surface, because I then have "Forgotten to Forgive," whatever the issue was or the person (s) involved were. A very easy and emotionally affordable reaction to any issue where "Forgiving" is on the "What do I do?" menu. However as I have gained years on my life, resulting in an increased exposure to asking questions about who I am or who I should be, I find my analysis of the effectiveness of both actions has changed dramatically.
Mostly due to my increased understanding of the sanctity of life itself and how little time I actually get to enjoy it, my ability to "Forget to Forgive," or "Forgive to Forget," without impurity has dissipated. What I mean when I reference impurity is what I now know to be true... Both actions are impure as they accomplish nothing other than cloaking the reality of each situation! The problem which initiated the conflict is still present and the emotions released because of the conflict are not tempered. On the surface, I am cool as a clam, internally, the flames fueled by anger, are still lit. Nothing is solved.
Recently, for example, attempts to resolves issues have resulted in silence from those I reached out to. A conciliatory plea to sit down face to face via email, text messages and FB Messages, resulted in silence from the others. Really? Seems odd to me that humans cannot even take the time to "talk things out" electing instead to allow anger mandate reaction. None of the issues surrounding the break in friendships can be assumed to be so dastardly that a conversation should not be considered. In all 3 instances a close friendship has simply been tossed into the proverbial trashcan, one erasing 11 years of memories.
I imagine those of you who are reading this are trying to determine if you have ever subscribed to the"Forgive to Forget or Forget to Forgive?" system.
I also imagine that those who have decided they are subscribers. or were, might now hopefully adjust their approach the next time a conflict is presented. It is not easy to change. Confronting an issue for the sole reason to absolve each other of the possibility of a great friendship being extinguished is a very difficult proposition. The mechanics of honestly trying to might, and in most cases does, dictate an admittance of guilt without the usual "But this is why" escape clause. How many of us can actually open that door?
So, there you have it. A missive meant for me to read and re-read as often as I can as a reminder to remain true to me and to those I call friends. A reminder that a "Forgive to Forget or Forget to Forgive?" initiative is not a response that will bring closure to any situation. A Reminder that life is too short to hold grudges or allow friendships to be destroyed for any reason without at least making every attempt to:
"Forgive and then Forget but never Forget
thinking doing so will bring Forgiveness!"
thinking doing so will bring Forgiveness!"
